Really, they do. Not to say that bad men don't like fros, or men who don't like fros are bad, or that some good men don't like perms...or twists or locs for that matter. But I am saying that good men like fros. Don't doubt that for a minute. They may be different men than the ones you attracted with your fresh perm or fly weave, but they are good men. Don't be afraid to rock your fro for fear you won't attract a man, or please your current one...
Now ladies, I have to say this. A lot of times we get upset when our men don't immediately accept our new (and fabulous) natural 'do. I have even seen women suggest that someone dump their significant other because they don't like their natural hair. If your partner is cracking bad jokes and putting you down because of your natural hair, that is one thing, but consider the following:
What if your man, with his super tight low cut suddenly decided to get a perm, Frankie Lymon style. Or worse, Al Sharpton style??
What if your man, with his sexy flowing locs suddenly decided to cut them off and get a care free curl? Or a high top fade?
What if your man, with his newfound style, all excited, surprised you with this new 'do and expected you to be happy (ahem, like many of us do when we go natural)?
Seriously! What would you do!? To be honest, I wouldn't be too thrilled about any of the above. Here in the North East at least, these styles are not encouraged. I wouldn't make rude comments, I wouldn't refuse to be seen with him, but I would gently encourage a change back to the old look.
Ok, so I can't really compare your glorious naturalness to a perm, carefree curl, or high top fade, but what I'm talking about here is perception. The perception that your partner has suddenly - and a lot of times without warning - decided to make a physical change to themselves that you don't like. A change that you don't think your peers or family will like (even more important for men). Something that makes them look drastically different than they did when you met them. For you it could be long locs to a fade, a fade to a wild fro, a short fro to cornrows, Brotherlocks to freeform locs or vice versa...How would you react?
Ok, I know what you're saying: I would love him anyway, he's the same person. And I get that. I don't believe that love should depend on a hairstyle. I do believe that some hairstyles - or other physical changes - may take a bit of getting used to. A good man is capable of that; especially when he realizes there are plenty of other takers if he isn't down with the kinks. ;-)
www.NaturallyYouMagazine.com
kcasper@NaturallyYouMagazine.com
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7 comments:
Well, I just went back to natural (for the third and final time!), I believe it is perception, outlook and insight. Going to natural hair is a process that is ever evolving and gives most the assumption that something conscious is happening as well as the desire for lo-maintenance and freedom of straightening. Because I've gone back and forth so many times between natural and straight (natural is here to stay) and as a former hairdresser too, I can understand and respect any hair decision.
You know what I truly think? This may sound silly, but we don't compliment each other enough. Support and esteem is what it's all about in feeling good about ourselves. Self-acceptance is self-realization, but I know I can ride on a compliment for a long time!
Yay to the beautiful fro! I'm rocking mine!
good point in flipping the script, i know me personally it would be shocking if my man who had a fro one day came to me another day with a jheri curl for instance. Now I can see why some men are shocked when they see their girlfriends/wives' new natural hairstyles.
>> You know what I truly think? This may sound silly, but we don't compliment each other enough. Support and esteem is what it's all about in feeling good about ourselves. Self-acceptance is self-realization, but I know I can ride on a compliment for a long time!
crystalsilent, i agree. giving a compliment is one of the easiest ways to make someone smile and feel good about themselves. and it's free!
rox - :-)
Wearing your hair naturally is just one of things that you can do as a person of color to tap into your authenticity. And the closer you get to being one hundred percent authentically you....the better. I would like to say however that just because your natural doesn't mean that you are in proper alignment with your spirit. I've met plenty of natural brothas and sisters whose vibes leave much to be desired. And I've met plenty of sisters with chemically treated hair that are genuine, loving, kind and thoughtful. It all boils down to personal choice; but I do believe that living naturally can add a dimension of self-expansion and self-acceptance that chemically treated hair just can't do.
With that said. I've been natural for almost nine years. I had locks for eight, but recently chopped of my locks for a fresh new start and switched to a curly afro...which i loves....and my husband loves too.
And hells to the no...would I date a man with an oppressive Jheri curl.....It simply could not accomodate my style....I likes it real, authencite, genuine, original, and simple.
first time here and really like it...well i finally went natural and have been mostly conservative with my look thus far, until now when I decided to get a mohawk of sorts...well my honey actually liked it (it actually took some getting used to on my part, so I was nervous to his reaction, because like you said, we tend to just up and do stuff, which is EXACTLY what i did)
but YES to the natural...YES to being who you want to be
>> just because your natural doesn't mean that you are in proper alignment with your spirit
lifestyle writer, this is very, very true...we can't let ourselves make too many assumptions based on what's on the head rather than what's in it. ;-)
>> I decided to get a mohawk of sorts
TC, good for you! it's a good thing to push your limits a little in terms of your personal style. glad you have a supportive mate. thanks for stopping by...
I agree with the previous blog-- more compliments would = more self acceptance, and we could all move forward from there...
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